Never Brush your Teeth with a Spoon.

 

3

 13/03/2009

Pigorilla Power! A Tale

Well, my fellow Pigorillians (no disrespect intended...it’s a default name given to members of the group)....Welcome back! My hearty happiness to all in the clan that are celebrating birthdays...if you haven’t heard from me, I don’t have your email address. To wish happy birthday on this ship through Facebook costs more than the present I wasn’t going to buy you anyway. However, God willing (or whatever you derive your miracles from), I trust that there will be many more where I can put my arms around you and give you a hug.

As was not planned, the ship could only leave Auckland this evening and is now 24 hours late and many more pounds behind budget. The passengers have been exceptionally pleased to leave Auckland and bank their £500.00 for the inconvenience and a couple have celebrated by purchasing lap-tops from me, while others have splashed out on some Pigorillian Computers for the Terrified classes which will leave them even more petrified.

I stocked up on food in Auckland and now have 4 protein bars, a kilo of Whey protein powder, some Horlicks, five “Fry’s “Turkish Delight bars, ¾ of a container of peanut butter (I ate the rest before brushing my teeth with a spoon)...no, I did not brush my teeth with a spoon...change the word order if it helps. I also bought four packets of crisps, two packets of biscuits and some washing powder (not to eat).

I have been the champion of the late Dr Atkins’ Diet for some seven years now and I am of the firm belief that it is the way to go...no not to ones grave (I have fended off enough jokes defending the Atkins diet by people only half joking).... the process of ketosis allows the body to burn fat on a continual basis for energy as opposed to carbohydrates which is what it would normally use for energy.

While I have never been let down by the diet, being in isolation on the ship away from my network of extremely supportive friends has led to a feeling of unhappiness only surpassed by departing girlfriends.....rather like losing a large trout just before you net it with no-one having seen it other than yourself and even less people likely to believe you almost had it in the bag.

I have found that in this fickle insecure environment, one needs all the help one can get and it appears that carbs are known as the happy foods for a very good reason, so while they are not necessary on land, at sea, you may eat them with glee.

As a measure to off-set the carbs, I have a date with the gym in six hours time by which time I hope to have had some sleep so till the next time hold the Pigorillian flag up high and may the force be with you all!